SwordQuest: Earthworld, an Atari 2600 experience (part 2)

I finally had a chance to sit down with Stella and play this game. Remember, this game was supposed to be the holy grail of Atari 2600 adventure gaming, the game that would be everything Adventure was, and more. Upon loading the game, you are presented with a color-cycling sword and the copyright. Arguably, this is better than Adventure's intro screen.

Not a bad start, I guess.

As soon as you press 'fire' you start the game, where you're presented with a relatively inscrutable screen. Your avatar (an armless, bald dude in a blue shirt... arguably an improvement over Sir Square) stands in the middle of a 4-way intersection, and has three items in his inventory. A dagger, a grappling hook, and a rope. (or possibly a crossbow bolt, a sword blade, and a cobra. It's hard to tell.)

Moving around the room is easy enough. I press 'fire' and am in a room with an amulet, a flashing door, and a symbol that looks remarkably like a woman in a lewd pose. I can maneuver my inventory here, dropping or picking up the items. I decide to pick up the amulet, and leave the rope and hook behind. Pressing fire on the door icon takes me back to the room.

I immediately decide to explore to the right. I'm thwarted. I find I can't go left, either. Ok, down it is. Going down, I get rewarded with a pseudo-3D hallway effect, and am in an even pinker room than before. Pressing 'fire' puts me in a room with a symbol that is possibly a trolley car headed for me, but most likely a set of scales. I seem to recall that the rooms are zodiac-based. I might verify that if I go read the instructions.

I go down again and I get my first clue! Woo! It is simply the number '1'. I know if I collect all the clues, and figure out the secret, and build a time machine, I can have a chance at winning the Talisman. I expect that at this stage of my life, it's more likely that I'd build a time machine than complete this game.

The room with the clue has what I'm going to assume is Scorpio's symbol, as well as a talisman of some sort. I go pick that up, and leave the amulet in its place. Maybe the '1' meant to drop the item from the 1st room here. I still can't go left or right, so down it is.

I'm now in a bright green room. The symbol is probably Aries, but there's nothing here. So far, I'm sevral minutes into the game and have encountered nothing remotely interesting. By this time in Adventure, you'd have been eaten a few times at least.

I go down again, after verifying that I still can't go right or left. Ooh! A purple room, but this time I'm not in an item area... I've got a skill challenge! I'm at the bottom of the screen, and there are pink things moving... I quickly deduce I'm either supposed to dodge those, or move across them, to get to the purple door.

Woo! Frogger! Only bad!

I decide it's likely 'phase 1' of Frogger, where you have to avoid the cars. I quickly realize this is incorrect. You can't move left or right, and can only move forward jumping from pink thing to pink thing. And it's pretty brutal. They move quickly, and if you hit the edge of the screen, it dumps you off. Every fail sends you back to the start. After a few tries, I decide to time myself to see how long it takes me to make it.

On the 19th try I make it to the door... and miss it. 3 minutes down the drain so far, but despite being completely unfun and pure twitchiness, I'm not to throw-the-controller level yet.... FUCK YOU GAME. 50 or so tries later, I've made it to the stupid last rank a half-dozen times, but missed the door each time. While I'm currently at throw-the-controller levels of frustration, I also know that I simply have to be at the right hand side of the screen for the last couple jumps, period. I appreciate trying to make things hard, but the varied speed and requirements to line things up is just stupid...

FINALLY. Made it. 10 minutes of repetitive bullshit, half-assed Frogger clone with bad graphics and one-dimensional controls (Forward/back only? Really?) I make it into the Aquarius room, I'd guess, and can pick up a dude and a jug. I do so. I leave the talisman here, too, for no good reason. Woo! I can move left! Apparently one of the items lets me do so? Or maybe it's a reward for beating that stupid screen. Except... moving left just puts me back in the Libra room. Lame. Well, anyway... I go left some more and get to Gemini... where there's a candle and a lance or trident. I get both of those items...

Ok, I'm getting bored. I can move around, see rooms, but I've not found any game to play except Shitty Frogger. I start running around randomly, because that's sure to help. I finally find a new challenge screen... I'm excited, briefly, until I realize that I'm back to Shitty Frogger Returns. This is the height of adventure gaming in 1982, really? Shitty Frogger and obfuscated puzzles involving picking shit up and putting it down somewhere else?

More Frogger? Really?

Either this screen is 100 times easier, or my previous 'challenge' screen has honed my abilities, because I get through this Frogger screen in one try, and am rewarded with Sagitarrius' room, with what I guess is a cloak in it.

Ok... wander, wander, wander. Oh, look, I can keep playing Shitty Frogger Mk I, I bet that room is super important and has to have lots of shit dropped in it to get a clue since it is so freakishly painful. I find more items... shield, key, shoes, booze and pills... but I have no idea what to do with any of them. It's time to break down, admit failure, and... read the instructions.

Ok, the instructions have useful info. The lewd woman was Virgo. The booze/pills is food, the dude is a talisman of passage, the shield is leather armor. I can now see what all the items are, and the room symbols... I also learn about the challenges. Frogger Mark I is using rafts to cross the Aquarian Rapids. Frogger Mark II is dodging the spears of Sagittarius. I've apparently not yet found the Horns of Taurus, or the roaring waterfall of Leo. Which is odd, because I've seen the rooms that have those symbols...

Ok, the instructions are only moderately helpful. I'm supposed to put things in rooms... but as far as I can tell, it's purely trial and error, with a combination of 12 rooms and 15 objects. I'm not going to do the math on that, I'm willing to accept it's simply a large number. Luckily, I'm living in 2010, and not 1982... so I can make use of the internet, and solve the puzzles of Earthworld with Google, instead of my free time and sanity.

With the aid of a walkthrough, I learn that the reason I've never seen the 'Horns' or 'Waterfall' is that I have the items necessary to avoid them. Yay. I also learn that the clues are pretty much entirely arbitrary, and involve dropping things with no rhyme or reason. Apparently, you were supposed to buy a game that had about 20 minutes of game play, but to be compelling, you needed to drop items in rooms. Again. And again. And again. Ah, hundreds of hours of compelling game play of moving things around in hopes of getting a magical combination, with occasional games of Shitty Frogger to lighten the mood. Good job, Atari!

I think I'm done with the game at this point... I have little interest in playing the other variations of 'dodge things' to get the privelege to randomly drop things in rooms. The only question I have is: 'Is this game better, or worse, than E.T.?' It just might be worse.

SwordQuest: Earthworld, an Atari 2600 experience (Part 1)

In 1982 I was beginning to end my love affair with all things Atari. While the 2600 was still my game system, and the games were increasing in quality, there were simply too many things conspiring against the game system, primarily the fact that arcade games were growing more and more polished and technologically advanced, and the 2600 was having a harder and harder time capturing even the essence of these games. As the 2600 was pushed to its ultimate limits just to present a version of a game that would be recognizable as the source material, the quality and fun suffered.

I had almost given up on my 2600 at this point, but was an official, card carrying member of the Atari Club (as an aside... is it just me, or has the concept of 'card carrying member' of clubs gone to the wayside? Neither of my kids have any club memberships that include a meaningless ID card. On the other hand, I've got my Pathfinder Society card and my DCI card on my nightstand. Hmm. Maybe the concept is just followng my generation around.)

One of the perks (the only perk?) of being a member of the Atari Club was that every so often you got a 'magazine' that was a thinly veiled product catalog. It was called 'Atari Age' and had silly puzzles and articles, and it was an interesting read for a few minutes when it came in the mail. I remember sending off my $1 membership fee in a security envelope that I got from my Dad's office, with the address scrawled in my trademark 'block capitals'. It was months before anything came of it, but eventually, the magazine started coming.

I can't remember which issue of the magazine announced the SwordQuest series of games, but the entire concept grabbed me... 4 games would be released, more complex that 'Adventure', and they would include a puzzle that if you solved it, you would win a real treasure! And, the 4 winners would be flown out to compete for a $50,000 gold and silver, jewel-encrusted sword!

Real treasures! worth $150,000!

11-year old me thought this was the greatest thing ever. I was good at games! I was smart! Nothing was going to stop me from beating SwordQuest: Earthworld (the first of the games to be released) and claim my Talisman. In fact, I had visions of winning *all four* games, so I'd get the Crown, the Chalice, and the Philosopher's Stone, and then of course winning the Sword by default.

I plotted and planned. There were some major issues, however, with my plan. I was 11 years old, and didn't have a lot of disposable income, and lived in a tiny town that didn't have a store dedicated to keeping the newest 2600 games in stock.

Eventually, Swordquest Earthworld made it to my town, and a couple of kids got it (I wasn't one of them). There was a brief time of jealousy and sneakiness, as the 'haves' taunted the 'have-nots' with how they were going to win the Talisman. Earthworld was a key part of recess discussions for a couple of weeks.

Then, the secrecy started to fall away. No one who had the game was getting anywhere. The game wasn't fun, and the clues weren't showing up. Soon, Earthworld cartridges started showing up as 'swaps' (We would bring carts to school and swap them with friends, either as actual trades, or loans). The people with them said that because they 'owned' the game, if any of us found the clues, they would be the ones that would win the prize. This didn't go over well, and SwordQuest somewhat fell out of favor.

I eventually got a borrowed copy of SwordQuest: Earthworld, but didn't have the comic and instruction book, and it was inscrutable at the time. I played at it for a few minutes, I believe, but then put it away.

Tomorrow, I'll post my experiences with Earthworld, as I'm going to play it. I am going to play until I uncover at least one clue. Depending on how long it takes to find the first clue, I may play longer. We'll just have to see.

Adventure, an Atari 2600 Experience (Part 2)

After my daughter had finished her game of Adventure, my son wanted to play. He's 15 and plays lots of video games. He didn't remember playing Adventure before, and wanted to try it as well.

I load the game and ask him 'So, do you want to play on Level 1, or a harder level?'

'I want to play on Level 1 until I figure out the game.'

[He starts playing... he didn't watch any of the game that his sister played, so only knows what I mentioned at the start about how to move, drop items, and to get the chalice. He grabs the yellow key and goes inside the castle. He immediately picks up the sword, shoves it deep into a side wall, and presses fire...]
'Heh, you can put things in walls.'

[I don't tell him he's just lost his only weapon, or that he can retrieve it via the magnet, I just keep watching. He grabs the yellow key, walks out and re-locks the castle, then drops the key and leaves to go to the hall towards the Yellow dragon.]
'AAH! What the heck is that? CRAP. Wait a second. are you documenting this? Seriously?'

[He runs away from the dragon and goes back toward the castle, reopens it and goes in.]
'Oh, I get it. You drop the key in here when you've opened it, and then it stays open.'

[He leaves back toward the hall.]
'Crap the dragon is following me! No... crap. I died. How do you restart?'

[He restarts and wanders the hall way, dodging the yellow and green dragons, and manages to grab the black key.]
'How are you supposed to avoid these?'
(I tell him about the sword. That he stuck in the wall.)

'Huh. a maze. This is kinda cool. Whoa I did not mean to pick up that barrier.'

[He struggles briefly with the bridge and the black key, managing to get the key back out of the wall and leave the bridge where it is. He enters the black castle.]
'What is that? A door?'

[It's the magnet. He ignores it and moves up into the treasure room.]
'I got the chalice! Oh, that's not cool... he ate me. I can't believe
I lost my arrow. Fail. Oh well, restart, I'm having fun with this!'

[Dies three more times trying to get the chalice out of the black castle.]
'Ok, I know the mechanics of this game now. I can beat this. Don't
put your arrow in a wall. That was an epic fail.'
(I still don't explain the use of the magnet)

[He dies four more times before getting out of the maze and into the gold castle with the chalice.]

Not a very exciting victory screen, is it?

'Ok, I got it. Let's play a harder level. Let's play level 3.'

[I get him started on level 3 and he complains about not having a key or anything...]
'Ok, I'm going to just go get the black key... there's a giant orange thing following me! CRAP A DRAGON. Oh my gosh it's some sort of maze NO!'

[He dies.]
'Ok, maybe I should start on level 2.'

[We restart on Level 2.]
'Ooh! I have a bat! With an arrow! I'm gonna go shank some dragons with my bat-arrow! WHAT? He flew away with my arrow... no no no, not cool.'

[Wanders into the maze and finds the bridge.]
'Cool, I have the gappy secret passage thingy.

[He wanders the maze for a minute or so, and finally complains about how he's holding the bridge. I tell him he can drop it and reposition it, and he decides to leave the maze completely to do so. He gets into the hall and drops the bridge.]
'What? NO. Stupid Bat. That's just stupid....'
(he sighs at the game as just as he set down the bridge, the bat flew in and swapped a dragon for it, which promptly ate him.)
Sister: The bat teamed up with the dragon. They're partners.

[He wanders a while, finds the maze to the white castle, gets the yellow key and gets out of the maze.]
'Ha! Now I can win. All I need is the chalice.'

[At this time, dinner is ready... he spends some time trying to kill dragons, but I eventually make him turn off the game.]
'I want to play this again after dinner. Wait. No, not really. I want to play Arkham Asylum.'

Adventure, an Atari 2600 experience

For my second look back on Atari 2600 games from my youth, I wanted to play a game I fondly remembered, and not something like E.T. that was just horrid even when it was new. I picked Adventure, easily my favorite 2600 game from my childhood. It had replayability issues, so it wasn't a constantly played game, but I never traded it.

I decided to have my kids play Adventure, to see how they'd react to the game fresh. When I first played it to prep for the blog, I realized that I hadn't 'lost' anything. I knew my way through all the mazes, and even how to find the magic dot and enter the secret room. I didn't think it would be a very interesting 'look back' to just go 'Look, I can still beat a game that I could beat 30 years ago'.

Last night while I was preparing dinner, I asked my 8-year old daughter if she wanted to play a game that I played when I was her age. She was interested, despite not being a serious video game player. Her primary experience with video games comes from her DS, where she tends to play Nintendogs, Petz, Pokemon, Animal Crossing, and Hello Kitty games. She's just started getting interested in D&D because of her brother, and is still more at the 'Cowboys and Indians' level of imagination play (although for her, it's actually 'Harry Potter' complete with robes sewn by her grandmother and a wooden wand her grandfather and I made).

Your adventure starts here, Sir Square of Gold Castle.

I set her up with Adventure, on Level 1. I told her 'This is a game where you try to get a glowing Chalice and bring it back to your Gold Castle. You move with this, and this button lets you drop things. You pick things up just by touching them' and let her go.

[She picks up the gold key.]
'This is cool. I want this game on my computer.'

[She moves down a screen, holding the key]
'Oooh! I got a new level. This one is green.'

[Moves up, presses key against the gold gate and watches it open, then goes in the gold castle.]
'It lets me go in! Can I pick up the arrow?'
(I say yes)
'Do I get a bow later?'
(I ask her what she thinks she'll do with the 'arrow' if she doesn't get a bow.)
'I don't know... I guess I'd throw it at a monster.'

[She moves away, having dropped the key to get the sword.]
'Can I only carry around one thing at a time?'
(I say yes again)
'Huh. Why can't I have a backpack or something?'

[She drops the key and moves to the sword.]
'Now I have the arrow! Now I'll go to the green place.'

[She moves down into the hall and goes toward the maze and the dragon guarding it.]
'Oopsies! He ate me (laughing) Bad Birdy!'

(I explain that the reset leaves everything like it was put restarts her at the gold castle, and reset)
'So I don't have my arrow? That's not fair.'

[She goes back to the yellow dragon, tries to get the sword, and dies again.]
'NO! BAD BIRDY!'

[She dies again.]
'RUN AWAY! Doh. I don't like this bird.'

[She gets away but doesn't kill the yellow dragon, and then goes to the area where the green dragon is guarding the black key.]
'Oh! A Black Key! And another bird.'

[The green dragon eats her. She resets, and it eats her two more times.]
'I don't like this game any more. Can you play a while and gain me some levels so I can get past the bird?'

[I explain how to kill the dragon with the sword. She listens, and this time moves around the dragon, who impales itself on the sword in the floor.]
'Cool! I killed the green dragon! But there's still a yellow one.'
(This is the only time she calls it a dragon, by the way.)
'I want to go get the Black Key. Can you play this now?
(I say no, just keep playing, you're doing fine.)
I'm going to kill the yellow bird before I get the key.'

[She picks up the sword and tries to walk into the force wall]
'How can my arrow go through things but I can't? Does it puncture them?'
'You are writing down everything I say. Are you going to give this to Mommy?'

[Gives up trying to go through the force wall and goes up, looking for the dragon.]
'Cool! Is this some kind of maze? AWESOME.'

[She wanders the maze for a couple minutes. She gives up on killing the dragon, goes and gets the black key, and keeps wandering, trying to get through it.]
I don't like this maze. Can you play for me now?

[I get her through the maze with the black key, but the yellow dragon is still alive]
'Ooh. I thought it was black, but this is orange. I want that arch!'

[She drops the black key, watches it move towards the magnet.]
'OH! It's a magnet!'

[She moves up into the treasure room, and is eaten by the dragon... reset. She tells me to get her through the maze again. She grabs the chalice and starts running with it.]
'I think the Birdy is addicted to the color changing thing.'
(This makes me laugh out loud, and she turns to me indignantly)
'Well, he is! He won't stop chasing after it.'

[She dies several times to the dragon trying to get the chalice. I help her get past the dragon and out of the castle with the chalice.]
'I made it! Oh no, I lost my way.'

[I talk her through the maze, back to the main hall.]
'What now? There's no where else to go.'

[I ask her 'Do you think you might have the chalice?']
'Oh! The color-changy thing is the treasure!'

[She runs to the gold castle.]
'I DID IT! (waits) Is that it? Why can't I move anymore?'

[I explain that she won the game and would need to start over to play again, and ask if she would like to try again.]
'No.'

She walks off to go make a karate robe for one of her Littlest Pet Shop toys. I'm tickled by some of her gaming conceits... specifically the idea of a backpack to hold items, and 'leveling up' to get past something that is too hard. I also like that the colors of rooms and hallways are important to her.

After she was done, though, it was time to expose my 15-year old son to Adventure, for the second time in his life. The first time was about 6 years previously, where he played for about 45 seconds before declaring the game 'a stupid game about ducks' and went back to his PlayStation. We'll see his views on the game tomorrow.

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, an Atari 2600 experience

I dedicate this post to Wil Wheaton, who posted a brief interlude about E.T. on his blog. After reading his blog post, I decided I would play E.T., and determine if it was truly that bad or if it was simply a victim of the times, as the 2600 fell out of favor as it became less and less able to even make a rudimentary approximation of the video games showing up in arcades.

In 1982, I was an 11-year old in Jasper, Alabama. One of the hobbies of me and my friends was, of course, playing Atari 2600 games when we should be doing our homework, or sleeping, or whatever. I have fond memories of many games... Beamrider, Robot Tank, River Raid, Pitfall.

However, my childhood memories of playing E.T. consist entirely of playing it one time at Walter's house for about 5 minutes before we said 'this sucks' and went to play LEGO Wars (a game of our own devising), jump on the trampoline, watch MTV, or play D&D.

Having no real memory of the gameplay, I was unsure what I'd find when I played the game today, over 25 years later. This was all of the impetus I needed to fire up the game and see what it was about.

The entry screen isn't horrible. You can even recognize E.T.

I found an instruction manual here.

Now, once I was a teenager, instruction manuals were for pussies, and no one read them. Ever. But when I was a kid of 10-11, the instruction manual was what you read in the car on the ride home from the store when you got a new game. So, let's read the instructions. It says to start with game three... screw this, let's play. I'm clearly still in my post-adolescent mode, where instructions are for the weak, and the bold start playing.

I have just enough knowledge of the game to be dangerous... I remember that the point of the game was to pick up telephone pieces and phone home, but I honestly don't recall any details, just fuzzy memories of pits, Reese's Pieces candies, FBI Agents and Scientists, and inscrutable icons.

Ok, I start playing. I am picking up candy. I'm falling down pits. Jesus Christ
this is frustrating... the pits seem to have a much larger 'drop' zone than expected, and as soon as you get out of them you fall into them again. And again. And again. And I can't remember what any of those icons mean. I'll press 'fire' and see what happens... wait, now I'm teleporting. Ok, that's what that icon means, I guess.

There don't seem to be any FBI guys. I guess that's good. I keep picking up the little 'dots' which I know to be Reese's Pieces. I see a new icon, a mouth screaming. I press fire. Hey, Elliot! Woo! Wait, bastard! He stole my candy. I had seven pieces.

Ok, let's keep going. I keep falling in pits. I fall in one, and see a phone piece. I walk over and pick it up. I keep wandering the screens, and find a flower in a pit. When I press fire I make it grow and I smile. I levitate out of the pit. getting better. I only fall back in 2 or 3 times before getting out now.

I find a new icon, a question mark, and press it. A pit flashes and I drop into it. Ok there's a phone piece. Awesome. I'm two-thirds done with the stupid telephone.

I realize I have no idea how the endgame plays out. In a moment of weakness, I read the instructions. I learn that once you've completed the phone, you have to find a 'space invader' icon, that will call the mothership. You then have to run to the woods and find the landing site before time runs out on a timer that starts as soon as you call them. I ignore all the rest about scoring and lives and get back to the game.

I can't find the third phone piece. Still can't. Can't. FUCK fell into a hole
changing screens. Who in the hell puts pits at screen junctions? Hey, never been here before. Let's look for a question mark ... fuck fell into a another hole... wait, it's got the phone piece! I feel a brief moment of elation as I realize I've been wandering around the same few screens, endlessly falling into pits, and that now I'm done with the pits and can get on with the game.

I hope you like this screen, because you see it constantly.

 

Ok, now to call home. Umm. Hrm. Wander wander wander. Shit, I'm nearly out of energy. Wait, I remember I can eat candy. Ok, now, just look for the space invader
piece, or the candy icon. Which looks like a mouth, arguably? Candy! Ok, I'm back up in energy after eating a bunch of candy.

Wander, wander, wander, fuck this sucks. This is the worst type of 'find the right freaking pixel' WAIT there's the space invader! Call home ET!

Ok, now the timer. Gotta find the woods. Let's use teleporters! Look at me, I'm strategizing. I bounce around and appear in the woods. WOODS! Ok, it's here somewhere... shit... I need more time! Jesus, how long can it take to find the stupid spot? I move frantically, trying to explore. I should have done this BEFORE giving myself a time limit... if I have to find all three phone pieces again...

AUGH... WAIT found it. Just in time. Literally, the timer was flashing and almost done. A phone booth comes down and gets me, and I appear at Elliot's house, and scored 7640 points.

Fuck you game. Even without the FBI agents kicking you in the balls and taking your shit, this game is painful. I suppose I should play it for 'real' though and see if I can beat the actual game...

I put the game on '1', and now have an FBI agent and a scientist in game.

I start playing. I get dragged around by the scientist a few times. Apparently if he touches you, he drags you back to his autopsy room and then lets you go. I find a phone piece. I start looking for the next one- FUCK YOU FBI AGENT. FUCK YOU FOR TAKING MY PHONE PIECE.

Ok, now it's randomly hidden again. All the agent does is make you play longer? Really? Ugh. Part of me says keep playing, but I realize that once you have to start standing still to win, the bad guys have a distinct advantage over you. There's no way I'm going to go through this...

I quit playing. But for days, the game haunts me. It beat me. As bad as the game was, I feel like I need to beat it. So, I turn it back on. I'm going to do this methodically. I've played World of Warcraft, and if I can deal with fishing for god knows how long to get a stupid coin you can flip and Mr. Pinchy, I can beat E.T.

I play Game 3 in E.T. again. I'm going to learn the game. It's not long before I've got a handle on the basics. The world is basically cubical, and I can hold that in my head. Dodging pits is easier once you've got a grasp on where the 'edge' pits are on that one screen. I figure out how to find the 'phone home' and 'pickup' spots before getting any phone pieces. I learn how to call Elliot. I learn how to get out of pits without falling back into them immediately. I beat the game with a score of over 15,000, more than doubling my previous attempt, and understand what's going on. I also get a solid understanding of exactly how stupid this game is with no enemies.

Now, for the real game. It's Game 1, with the Scientist and the FBI Agent. I map out the layout of the place in my head. I get picked up by the scientist and the FBI Agent repeatedly... but that's an opportunity to learn the map and you can still see icons. I find the Pickup spot. I find the Phone Home spot. I learn where the 'send the humans away' spots are.

The FBI Agent steals a phone piece and re-hides it, which is honestly a bitch, but it isn't that bad. The Scientist just takes time away from you. It isn't much longer before I have all three phone pieces and am running for the phone home icon. It's a pisser that the bad guys can just hover over pits, but oh well. I've learned how to run to the 'go away humans' spots on the screens. I phone home and make it to the woods. Here is where I learn a terrible secret.

The ship doesn't come to you when you make it to the spot. It comes when the timer runs out. So you stand there, and of course some guy runs in and grabs you. This costs me, and I don't get rescued.

I figure out what you have to do. You have to find a 'run away humans' spot or a 'save me Elliot' spot on the woods screen, and use it repeatedly until the timer runs out... and right as the timer runs out, run to the pick-up spot.

It takes a while, but Elliot keeps me safe. I know that if I changed difficulty levels, Elliot couldn't be on the screen for me to be picked up. But I beat the stupid game. It wasn't satisfying... the game is truly trivial and bad. It's purely a 'wander around looking for the perfect pixel' game, that adds in 'and by the way there are pits and people that reset you to the start' thrown on top, with an endgame of 'perfect timing is required, or you get to start over'.

It's playable, I guess. But it's throw-the-controller arbitrary and punitive. It would be like playing Adventure with 4 bats and invisible keys, but no sword or dragons.

I hate you ET. The only good part about your stupid movie was the guys playing D&D in the first scene.